Philip Linden and Plastic Duck - as seen by Something Awful goons
by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk
Recently, Decomposing Monstre dropped by with a series of public service announcements to share with Herald readers - but these presented a serious publishing problem -- how to create a real multiverse media mashup on the web 2.D so new wave marketing gurus to real life corporate titans trying to make sense of teh intraweb 3.D can still get the true zeitgeist of Second Life goons and griefers.
After some experimentation in the secret Herald laboratories, our tame text technicians suggested juxtaposing goon-created Philip Linden and Plastic Duck announcements then photographing the results as a sort of post-modern generative art form.
Since the animated posters keep changing automatically, the announcements displayed might be seen as a sort of I Ching throw down overseen by a benevolent Linden Scripting Language sprinkled with metaverse lag in dynamic balance of opposites. Perhaps this is representative of the internal dialog inside the goon community? In any case, here are the results:
Plastic Duck Sez
Ctrl-Shift-Y makes your screenshots not look like shit!
Posted by: Plastic Duck | February 04, 2007 at 04:39 PM
I've been getting these things spammed into my inventory and littered all over my property for something like 6-8 months, Pixeleen. It would never occur to me to publicize these things and thus give the terrorists unnecessary publicity that makes it seems as if they are satirists and not in fact criminals.
Posted by: Prokofy Neva | February 04, 2007 at 04:45 PM
OMG! Is that Plastic Duck posting? Does this make the Herald a griefer supporting site? Does that mean the Prokofy is supporting griefers by posting here? Even posting in THE SAME THREAD!
I call double standards! Put your money where your mouth is Prokofy, save yourself and others with the standard you apply to Second Citizen and never post here again.
Posted by: Cat Scratch | February 04, 2007 at 06:19 PM
These are pretty funny, ok.
Posted by: Kerian Bunin | February 04, 2007 at 09:08 PM
I would like someone to please read Prokofy's post back in the voice of a shrill old hag melting in front of a computer monitor tia
Posted by: Petey | February 04, 2007 at 10:03 PM
>>I would like someone to please read Prokofy's post back in the voice of a shrill old hag melting in front of a computer monitor tia
I prefer the voice of "Momma" from the movie "Throw Momma From The Train" (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0094142/). Watch the trailer if you don't know what I mean. ;)
Posted by: Cat Scratch | February 04, 2007 at 10:45 PM
Terrorism, terrorism .... Oh, you mean that thing in reality that makes a large group of people afraid fro their lives? if that is what you mean, nice try .... inciting anger isn't terrorism nor the goal of such a thing. Please come again, with a better grasp of the words you try to use, m'kay?
Crashing a computer, network, or any form of electronic medium: Not terrorism, it makes you angry, may even inconvenience you ... but it's not terrorism ... and no, I frankly do not care what the government says it is at all. the goal is outlined in the next part below this.
Blowing up a building, school bus etc? Yep, that's terrorism because it makes others - more than a single person or small group mind you - afraid for their very lives.
In the future don't go to web pages, attempting to call things that cause little more than anger and annoyance terrorism. You demean any and everyone fighting against the real terrorists and quite frankly bring your own motives into question.
Posted by: You make me sick. | February 05, 2007 at 05:54 AM
No, it's terrorism in many respects, when you *reason by analogy*, which is what I do with events in SL (I realize that's too subtle for many people) and look for *patterns* because synthetic worlds enable you to study things in miniature, but in useful and accellerated form. If you constantly fear making analogies, and are intimidated by assholes on forums who are always covering their tracks and distracting from and minimizing their bad deeds ("I didn't rape anybody in cyberspace; my sister was raped in RL and how dare you dis my sister," etc.), you never learn anything of value.
Here's how they are alike:
o based on extremist ideologies and movements
o drawing on the "bunch of guys" experience where the closeted converts begin to dare each other and outdo each other
o "propaganda of the deed" -- reliance on publicity and maximum impact to spread an ideology or "point"
o targeting of innocent people with whom the perpetrators don't directly have a beef, to scare, intimidate, retaliate against those with whom they do have a beef, hostage syndrome
o random destruction, not always related directly to the target
o destruction affecting large numbers of people
o feeding on media coverage to maximize influence and fear
o active propaganda to distort, dissuade, downplay, minimize the terrorist acts themselves
o based, or affiliated with non-violent but extremist ideology whose adherents provide a ready "cover" or "front" for violent activities; they can always be pointed to, in order to claim "but we're just a non-violent belief"
o violent activities that cause targets to change their habitual activities or way of life
o violence for violence's sake
o actual ties to, or claims to be related to charitable movements, or "good deeds" or "service for the community". In SL, this takes the form of "why, we help the Lindens find bugs".
And lots more.
Posted by: Prokofy Neva | February 05, 2007 at 07:46 AM
Nope, sorry, doesn't hold water try again.
Posted by: You make me sick. | February 05, 2007 at 08:06 AM
"assholes on forums who are always covering their tracks and distracting from and minimizing their bad deeds ("I didn't rape anybody in cyberspace;"
Prokofy Neva drops her fork and knife in disgust.
"I demand to see the manage of this establishment."
"Ma'am, the IHOP manager will be with you shortly... is there something wrong?"
"Yes. These chocolate chip pancakes are THE HOLOCAUST."
Prokofy placed her napkin on the table, confident she had made her point.
"Sorry?" the waitress asked, confused.
"You heard me correctly. The way these pancakes have been prepared is succinctly analogous to THE HOLOCAUST," Prokofy said, with a wry expression.
"I think that's kind of... exaggerating, isn't it?"
Prokofy's wry expression faded. Replacing it was an expression of smug contempt.
"If the people at IHOP are afraid of proper analogies then I will not be supporting this establishment," Prokofy said.
Prokofy started to get up, "If the assholes at IHOP are too chickenshit to understand an analogy regarding pancakes and the holocaust, then I do not want to give this establishment my service. I notice that the people across the table -- near the kitchen -- got their food the way they wanted it. They seem to be having enjoying themselves. That is the way these things always work. Always, always a protected class rises while the rest of us get railroaded by the establishment."
At this point the manager, overhearing, asks Prokofy Neva to leave IHOP.
"Oh, I will!" Prokofy retorted. "And I am going to SHAME this establishment. You assholes try to obfuscate a simple analogy regarding breakfast and the systematic murder of millions of people in Nazi Germany. OF COURSE I realize that it is not the same in scale! That doesn't mean that I can't make an analogy between them."
Prokofy Neva waddled out of the restaraunt leaving a trail of napkins, pancake crumbs, and startled expressions.
"You have made a powerful enemy," Prokofy said, slowly climbing the stairs to her apartment.
Posted by: Zora | February 05, 2007 at 08:57 AM
Ahahahahahahahahahhhaa
Posted by: Petey | February 05, 2007 at 10:07 AM
OMG DEY ARE SO CLEVUR!!!! I M SO GLAD TEH HERULD POSTUD PIKCHURS!!!!1111 HAHAH
Posted by: Dastic Pluck | February 05, 2007 at 10:12 AM
Prok: "No, it's terrorism in many respects, when you *reason by analogy*"
Ok, writing assignment time! Prove that Prokofy is a terrorist! Feel free to *reason by analogy*! Let me see if I can do it by using her neat bullet points...
"o based on extremist ideologies and movements"
- Does anybody doubt that Prokofy is extreme? Anybody? Prok, even YOU think you're extreme, don't you? Looks like you're a terrorist...
"o drawing on the "bunch of guys" experience where the closeted converts begin to dare each other and outdo each other"
- Isn't that what athletes, academics, and hobbyist club members do? Wait a minute... don't you often find yourself trying to out-wit other pundits while goading them? Looks like you're a terrorist...
o "propaganda of the deed" -- reliance on publicity and maximum impact to spread an ideology or "point"
- Right, because anybody who does anything just to get attention... hey, didn't you carry a sign to a town hall meeting once? Looks like you're a terrorist...
o targeting of innocent people with whom the perpetrators don't directly have a beef, to scare, intimidate, retaliate against those with whom they do have a beef, hostage syndrome
- Well "innocent people" is a pretty BROAD term, but... I think it's safe to say that your attempts to classify huge groups of people as terrorists that should be punished is guaranteed to hurt a few people who didn't do a damned thing. Hell, you're constantly attacking people who even dare REPORT things you don't like. Looks like you're a terrorist...
o random destruction, not always related directly to the target
- See above point, with an addendum: you are the least constructive writer ever. Looks like you're a terrorist...
o destruction affecting large numbers of people
- Yup, you're destructive, and you're well read, so looks like you're a terrorist...
o feeding on media coverage to maximize influence and fear
- Obvious. Looks like you're a terrorist...
o active propaganda to distort, dissuade, downplay, minimize the terrorist acts themselves
- Riiiiight, because a terrorist HATES that people think what they do are UNPLEASANT things... so logical... of course, at this point you're saying that YOUR terrorist acts are only proven to be MORE of a terrorist act if you try to define them as anything BUT terrorist acts. Weird point, but it looks like you're a terrorist...
o based, or affiliated with non-violent but extremist ideology whose adherents provide a ready "cover" or "front" for violent activities; they can always be pointed to, in order to claim "but we're just a non-violent belief"
- ...and you're "just a blogger". Looks like you're a terrorist.
o violent activities that cause targets to change their habitual activities or way of life
- You want people to go to jail. That means forcibly removing them from their homes and putting them into cages for years. Looks like you're a terrorist.
o violence for violence's sake
- arguing for arguing's sake. Looks like you're a terrorist.
o actual ties to, or claims to be related to charitable movements, or "good deeds" or "service for the community". In SL, this takes the form of "why, we help the Lindens find bugs".
- Hmmm... damn... I'm sorry I'm stumped. What service to the community do you claim to provide? Couldn't get this one...
OK everybody I admit, some of these were weak. I'm sure somebody else can do better. Prove Prokofy is a terrorist! It's way cool fun!
Posted by: Anon | February 05, 2007 at 03:33 PM
Oh for heaven's sake, can you lot not shut up for once?
Posted by: Ordinal Malaprop | February 05, 2007 at 06:00 PM
What? I didn't even say anything!
Posted by: you lot | February 05, 2007 at 07:13 PM
boring... no wait... this isn't a webcomic. why are you reporting this crap?
Posted by: Nacon | February 06, 2007 at 03:49 AM
This is a lot less boring
http://members.cosplay.com/member/20864/
Posted by: LaBlanc | February 06, 2007 at 08:38 AM
OWENNNNN. ya big poop!
*dies*
Posted by: Eric Rice | February 06, 2007 at 12:52 PM
o actual ties to, or claims to be related to charitable movements, or "good deeds" or "service for the community". In SL, this takes the form of "why, we help the Lindens find bugs".
- Hmmm... damn... I'm sorry I'm stumped. What service to the community do you claim to provide? Couldn't get this one...
I know! She claims to provide a community in the form of her rental business, and claims to be doing good deeds through that.
Posted by: Jesse Malthus | February 06, 2007 at 01:42 PM
Oh, hey, W-hat are 'criminals' now. Another title added to their list, alongside 'rapists', 'terrorists', and 'grid-crashers'.
Seriously, though, Prokofy. There's a difference between 'publishing an opinion' and 'giving the terrorists publicity'.
Posted by: Kalo Division | February 06, 2007 at 02:49 PM
Posting in legendary Prok rant thread...
(P.S. is Prok capable of laughter?)
Posted by: Sucre | February 07, 2007 at 01:55 PM
Did you know that Prok owns an island called Guantaneva, where she rapes and tortures goons? She also forces the goons to write her comments - that in SL is worst that being tortured.
Posted by: San Tommaso | February 13, 2007 at 07:26 AM
What the hell is all of this shit on here. You people and your internet make me sick!
W-Hat people are NOT terrorists. Its a god damned picture, christ. If you think thats terrorism I dare you to open up a book and read about the holocaust.
Posted by: A Concerned Citizen | July 17, 2008 at 10:25 PM