Shock!!!! Mid-Missouri Internet Crimes Task Force says Mayor Tortimer could be a Pedo!

Or is Tom Nook the perv?  Concerned parents want to know!

by Idoru Wellman, staff reporter

Kotaku has all the sordid details - but can anything good happen in Animal Crossing -  game that allows children to interact with complete strangers, encouraging them to exchange notes, items, and "favors" in order to reach the next level in the game?

Comments

[Miss Petunia Amarylis Courtney Taliaferro, D.A.R.]

Oh, I perish to think of our children's future...MORE proof that the League of Decency™ must expand its work beyond the current cleansing in Second Life!

Oh, my stars and garters, but this little fellow lures children to desperate and degenerate depths of depravity while looking more than a little like Mr. Peanut™.

[urizenus]

Personally, I always found the Turnip Lady to be the sketchy one. Her and that guy that sells the forged paintings in the tent in the city square once a week.

[mootykips]

No, Nook's just an asshole capitalist, typical of the bourgeoisie. It's aggressive lending practices that precipitated this crisis: people like Nook give loans to people with absolutely no credit history and just showed up in the town, and then ruthlessly exploit them with ridiculous interest rates, forcing the homebuyer to work at his shop under his conditions for as long as he sees fit. Even when those loans are paid off, he forces those consumers to remain on the path of mindless consumerism, taking out even more loans just to expand their property to house more useless trinkets like "Gynoids". The capitalist news media want to distract you with baseless, sensationalist accusations of pedophilia and reports about peope falling in pits to keep you away from the real issues and revolting against the system.

[Sergi Rammage, Boy Revolutionist]

Yesyes...one must always expose the follies of running dogs such as "Nook" (whose name, from a material dialectical standpoint, reifies and enscribes the dominant discourse of the hegemony of late-stage capitalism as a subversive, subterranean hiding place for the residual reptilian energies of our brain-stems). Social lice such as Nook serve to breed complacency among Bourgeois youth by luring them to buy the surplus goods and experiences of the whoremongers of the so-called "entertainment" complex. We must, in an age when signified and signifiers have become problematized in their existential differences (as Maxim Quintillian has brilliantly show in a recent monograph), transgress the facile shell of such pablum for our youth and begin the long process of converting them into a revolutionary cadre until they topple the revanchist forces of the late-captialist hegemons in general, and purge the poisons from the brain stem in particular.

[Urizenus Sklar]

Looks like someone is gunning for the next Commie award!